When you live with someone (whether intentionally or accidentally, as a result of social distancing guidelines in light of the coronavirus), an easy-access element can counterintuitively lead to a near-total stagnation of sex. Once you get past the honeymoon phase of the new situation that may include a vibe of all sex, all the time, it’s easy to settle into a hardly spontaneous routine of lazily peeling off your leggings and sweatpants for quickies, or even scheduling sex to make sure it happens period. The bottom line is that when you’re stuck together for any enduring period of time, building sexual anticipation and desire can become more difficult. But have you considered the situation from a different perspective? That is, you may now have time to explore the best foreplay ideas to heat things up in a new and exciting way.
Don’t know where to start? Well whether you now have an abundance of time on your hands or you just want to learn some new bedroom tips, Sadie Allison, PhD, sexologist and co-founder of GoLove CBD lubricant, is here to share her best slow-building foreplay ideas that you can try. (But of course, no judgment if you’d rather just beeline to your orgasm.)
The 7 best foreplay ideas for slowly building a hot sexual energy
1. Get out of your bedroom
Since shelter in place guidelines mean our options are pretty limited when it comes to, you know, space, it’s important to maximize whatever space we do have. That means thinking outside of the box of your bedroom walls when it comes to foreplay.
“Start a slow strip tease while making dinner, or call your partner into the bathroom after you’ve taken a shower or while you’re still in the bath,” says Dr. Allison. “You can even try using unexpected household items in sexier ways: Use a rolling pin as a body massager, a spatula as a spanker, or blow on sensitive areas through a straw to create a new type of sensation play.”
2. Read erotica
Think of this as a gateway for exploring fantasies and slowly slipping into a steamy atmosphere. Dipsea is a great option, but it also doesn’t require much googling to find other sources of erotica…or the Star Wars fan fiction you never knew you needed (not that I would know anything about that).
“Mention to your partner that you’d like to try something new, and when you’re both comfortable—dig in together,” says Dr. Allison. “You can try playing different characters or pausing in between paragraphs to ask your partner what they think. Either way, you’re sure to not only leave yourself enough time to get sufficiently warmed up, but to also learn something new about your partner.”
3. Use breathwork, because breathing can be sexy
If you’re already using breathwork techniques for falling asleep and lowering your anxiety, why not also explore it as a foreplay idea? To do so, simply adjust your breathing pattern to ease or heighten the moment in whatever way you see fit.
“I’d suggest finding an option that suits the mood you’re seeking—would you like to slow your heart rate and calm your mood, or pick up the pace of things?” asks Dr. Allison. “Breathwork can help you get out of your mind, forget your stressors, and focus on your body and the current moment—all aspects that tend to lead to more rewarding and pleasurable sex.”
4. Sext each other (even if you’re in the same place)
Texting can summon the power of nostalgia and help you access the old butterflies-in-stomach feelings you may have had in the beginning of your relationship—and that can be alluring. “Rekindling these emotions can be an awesome way to help spark some excitement, especially if you’ve grown accustomed to each other’s company,” says Dr. Allison. “While you and your partner are in separate rooms or…on different sides of your studio apartment, try sending a gentle text and easing into a flirtatious back-and-forth, remembering the early days of your dynamic.”
“From separate rooms or…on different sides of your studio apartment, try sending a gentle text and easing into a flirtatious back-and-forth, remembering the early days of your dynamic.” —sexologist Sadie Allison, PhD
5. Use remote-control sex toys inside the same house
“Similar to the notion of sexting in place, playing with remote-controlled toys while in the same home can be a fun way to make the everyday a bit more exciting,” says Dr. Allison. You can have your partner go into a separate room while you’re wearing one, and have them surprise you with different vibration speeds and patterns.
6. Try an apt new role-play theme: fitness instructor
“While we’re stuck at home, many of us have turned to fitness as a reliable outlet for our extra energy, which is why this makes for such a believable role-play scenario,” says Dr. Allison. “Turn on one of your favorite exercise videos, and have one of you play the instructor and one of you play the student. As the video goes on, you can begin to ad lib—steal an extra touch here and a sly kiss there! The rigidity of the video will help amplify your own forbidden scenario, all while within the comfortable confines of your own home.”
And afterward? Hit the showers!
7. Incorporate CBD during foreplay
Some days the chaos of the world will have you feeling a little distracted—but CBD lube might just help you relax and get ready for some welcome pleasure.
“The anti-anxiety properties of CBD will help reduce any stress and ‘take the edge’ off, allowing for more relaxed foreplay, more ease and exploration,” says Dr. Allison (who runs a CBD lubricant company). “Quality water-based CBD lubes are now available for erotic mutual masturbation, and they can also be used for body massage. Allow 15 minutes to let the CBD absorb and take effect, so take your time.”